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LINK: ‘Note Verbale‘, Manila Times (Sunday-Career Section) – 11 February 2007 Issue

Romantic love is the usual focus of public attention on Valentine’s Day. The occasion is one big commercial event that provides lovers the social amenities, if not the ambiance, to exchange tokens of affection one way or the other in the observance of the occasion.

Theoretically, romantic love is distinguished from other forms of love in the sense that it is driven by both emotional and sexual desires. They say that romantic love is typically the result of a random encounter, oftentimes irrepressible, not purely predicated but always end up on sexual desires, and, if requited, could be the basis of long-term or life-long commitment, like marriage, in the same manner that it could result in illicit intimacies.

Both emotional and sexual reciprocation are key ingredients in every romance. Take away the emotional aspect and love is transformed to mere eroticism. Take away the sexual motivation and love would take another form, perhaps platonic or familial.

Since reciprocation is almost always expected in romantic love, what happens if the love is unrequited?

Many people who had unrequited love can attest that the experience could be tortuous, if not traumatic on both sides especially if the love-struck person develops obsessive behaviors, resort to stalking and even aggression. Others would just ignore the emotional distress by simply enjoying that loving feeling, which eventually will end up also in frustrations and a deep feeling of resentment, if the love is ultimately rejected or remained unrequited for a long time.

BBC News in a February 6, 2005 interactive report declared: “Unrequited love can be a ‘killer’. The news item cited the findings of expert psychologists that many people are “destabilized by falling in love or suffer on account of their love being unrequited”, which could lead to certain manic conditions, depression, elevated mood, inflated self-esteem, and in extreme cases, suicide attempts. People could die from a broken heart or get into a state of despair and hopelessness.  Some would suffer from an extreme state of physical exhaustion, tearfulness and insomnia.

Of course, there are also situations of unrequited love that conclude in happy endings but it is almost a fairy tale. 

In fact, the usual tragedy and pain attributed to unrequited love has made it a popular idea or themes of music and literary works for centuries. Roxanne of Cyrano de Bergerac in the play of noted French poet and dramatist, Edmond Eugène Alexis Rostand, or the Dulcinea of Don Quixote in the novel written by Spanish novelist, poet and playwright, Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, are classical works that depict unrequited love.

But is it possible for a person whose love is unrequited to just show altruism or simply love another person selflessly without any anticipation or expectation of a reciprocal emotional fervor?

If love is familial (or based on blood ties or common ancestry) or platonic (or based on a deep friendship minus the sexual element), it is a non-issue whether or not love is requited because the more profound a person expresses his affection without expecting any thing in return is nobler.

The same situation may not obtain though in a desired romantic love because of the difficulty to attain sexual submission if there is no emotional response from the person simply met in a random encounter.

There is certainly nothing like having that loving feeling. But if romantic love is initially unrequited or maybe remains unrequited, it is obviously prudent to make logic or reason prevail over the heart to avoid possible state of desperation, or worse self-destruction.

This day of the hearts, remember that it is always better to ‘grow’ in love than to ‘fall’ in love.